


Inching Out

by avyssoseleison



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Coming Out, M/M, Pre-Slash, Realistic Coming Out, light homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 21:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16920603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avyssoseleison/pseuds/avyssoseleison
Summary: Charlie is the first one he tells.





	Inching Out

Charlie is the first one he tells. Not just because he knows for sure that she won’t judge him – she proudly came out as a lesbian many years ago, after all – but also because he thinks she might already have some kind of inkling of his sexuality. At least, going by her calm explanations whenever Dean messes up and spouts some uninformed crap about queer issues again, and by the warmth of her smiles whenever Dean talks to Cas – which he never manages to do without blushing these days – or any other guy he might find attractive.

It goes even better than he thought it would. Charlie squeals and hugs him, and thanks him for telling her. He feels nothing but pleased when they sit on the couch and play video games afterwards, their bellies full of pizza and beer, and he doesn’t feel the need to hide anymore how handsome he finds Geralt.

*

Sam is next. Dean has to do it over the phone, what with Sam being in Stanford and thus thousands of miles away from him, even though he would’ve liked to tell him in person. Sure, he could’ve done so during Thanksgiving, when Sam did in fact come to visit them, but he was too chickenshit back then. Besides, catching a quiet moment during which to tell him, without all the other family members and friends around, was pretty much impossible.

Sam makes a thoughtful noise once Dean’s let the cat out of the bag, which goes on for a bit too long. Right as Dean feels his heart sink, Sam hastily reassures him that he doesn’t _mind,_ that he’s just been taken by surprise. He is completely cool with it, _really,_ it just came a bit out of the blue, and once he slept a night over it, he’s sure he’ll have adjusted. He keeps babbling, thanking Dean for telling him sometime between explaining all about Stanford’s LGBT+ group and asking if there is anyone Dean is interested in. Despite his awkward attempts at saving the conversation, it tapers off quite quickly after that.

Dean knows Sam is pretty liberal in any way, knows that he means it when he says that he is cool with it and was just taken by surprise - even so, Dean can’t help but feel disappointed. For some reason, he expected something… well, maybe not more, but something different. Sam is the great big university braniac, after all, and as far as Dean was concerned, he thought it meant that Sam would just accept it and go with it right away. Maybe the disappointment isn’t even directed at Sam alone – maybe it’s because Dean always thought that, in academia at least, there would be easy acceptance of this. If not there, where else could he ever hope to find it?

When he calls Charlie afterwards, she tells him it’s normal for people to be open to different sexualities in general, but some simply don’t expect close relatives and the like to be anything but straight. She is sure Sam will come around – more than he did – and that Dean shouldn’t worry.

The next day, Sam sends him a picture of a photo of when Dean was a kid and staring completely slack-jawed and with flushed cheeks at an Indiana Jones impersonator. His caption says, “Already so obvious back then!”, and although everything feels a bit awkward and stilted at first, Dean takes it as a sign of Sam’s goodwill and a step in the right direction.

He texts back, “& yet u didnt pick up on it. should i call stanford & tell them what kinda hacks they accept?” and laughs when Sam just replies with an emoji that is sticking out its tongue.

*

Then comes Cas. Dean can’t look him in the eye while he tells him; not because he’s ashamed of it – not that much, at least, not anymore – but because he feels it would reveal too much, not just about his sexuality, but about what it means in relation to Cas, about Dean’s feelings for him. Cas is as calm and non-judgemental as Dean knew he would be. Just like Charlie, he’s been out for some time now, and thanks Dean for telling him in a warm voice. When Dean finally musters up the courage to at least glance at him, he finds a small smile on Cas’ lips and shining blue eyes.

That right there is precisely the reason for why Cas wasn’t the first person he told – because he was the reason Dean realized and accepted that he wasn’t all that straight, and wanted to come clear about it in the first place. Not for Cas – not primarily, at least –, but it is difficult to keep kidding yourself about being straight when you wake up in the middle of the night with sticky underwear, pleasant tremors wrecking your body, and your best friend’s name still on your lips.

Nothing much happens after Dean tells Cas, though. Not right away. They keep on talking and joking as usual, maybe just a little lighter than usual, that bit more honest. Finally unguarded.

*

His mom takes the news with a stoic face. She nods as he talks, doesn’t reply or react in any way, and afterwards just sits in silence for a long time. Dean expected as much. She comes from a different generation than him – and hell, even people from his generation aren’t necessarily all that open when someone’s sexuality doesn’t meet the norm –, so he tries not to take it personally.

When she finally breaks her silence, she asks a few questions about Cassie and Lisa and all his other ex-girlfriends. Asks whether his feelings for them were real and– and he has to explain to her again what bisexuality means, and that he loved all of them, still likes women as a whole, just like he likes men.

She doesn’t thank him for telling her, but she hugs him as he leaves, pats his cheeks and tells him that she’ll love him no matter what. And that he shouldn’t tell John.

*

He doesn’t tell John. Not because his mom told him not to, but because he hadn’t intended to do so from the get-go. As an ex-marine and all around self-perceived men’s man, Dean has no doubt John would come all the way from Kansas to thrash him if he knew, or at least disown him. He’d certainly never talk to him again either way.

Dean tries not to mind as much. Sure, he does mind, on some level, but he knows there is no way in hell John would accept him as he is, just like this. Maybe someday, should Dean find a man instead of a woman to settle down with, to _marry,_ he might tell him. Pretty hard to hide being married, after all. It would be John’s decision, then, whether he wants to open his mind or keep it closed.

Briefly, Dean considers that he might do John an injustice. That John might accept him, perhaps, or tolerate him, at least. He doesn’t dwell on it for too long, though; if he told John, he’d know for sure, but there’d also be no way back, no way of _un_ knowing. He’s not brave enough for that yet; maybe he will be in the future, perhaps with someone kind and strong by his side, to help him come to terms whatever might happen if he told John.

For now, he chooses to remain ignorant. Cas tells him that he is right to do so, that he doesn’t owe anyone an explanation, that he doesn’t need to share this part of him with anyone he doesn’t want to share it with. Dean knows as much by now – in the same way that he knows that there are some people he wants to share it with. Starting with those who thank him for it.

**Author's Note:**

> Long time no see, eh?
> 
> I'm trying to upload more of my my stories to AO3 (especially with the tumblr apocalypse happening), but you'll find most of my writing on [my blog](http://avyssoseleison.tumblr.com/).


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